bye-bye Pa Tom

My dad is off to Mozambique, so we stopped by to wish him off with hugs, kisses and just the right amount of grandson time before his long journey. He didn't have to leave until 5pm so he was pretty relaxed at 9am (he usually gets a bit "distant" right before long journeys- it's travel stress). He'll be back on his birthday, the 17th, so it's an abnormally short trip.

"Marshall, what did you do today?"

"Marshall, what did you do today?" ... "I can't remember."
Three days of school "on the go" and each day we have had similar responses. But because we're with him, we know what he's doing, how he's acting, and how much he is actually absorbing (or not).
He blogged tonight after a day of counting with keys, a hour long razor/stroller ride downtown and back to see the NFL Kickoff party set-up, hanging with Katherine (our school assistant who is a senior in H.S. and ultra capable), a field trip with me to the library for one-on-one reading time followed by a trip to the "pimp-my-ride" style car body shop on East street that had way too many awesome cars to look at, and then a field trip with Mike to the Indiana State Museum to watch an IMAX and see an exhibit about the moon for his science "lesson". Do you know that none of these fun things were mentioned in his blog? None.
So if he can't remember, I will.
I had a blast today exploring our world together.

two-hands for dinner

Yoriko is staying with us for several months on a school homestay program. She is from Japan and is here studying English and Business. She is extremely polite and kind, often offering to hold Nigel or talking with the kids!

Here, Nigel succumbs to sleep while I cook. What a breeze... to prepare dinner with two hands .

peace in nature, peace at school

First day of school... it was better than I expected. Really, it was quite peaceful.
I always thought a tight schedule wasn't peaceful, but maybe it was the key to peace.
My day went like this:
6-7 morning walk
7-7:30 Yoga with kids (we had to wake them)
7:30-8 Get dressed and eat breakfast
8-8:30 Marshall has Desk Work, Stewart and I got Nigel dressed and laundry started while remaining available for Marshall's questions. Marshall thrived in this. It's like he needed something of his own to work on by himself.
8:30-9 We clean Bumper's cage and Marshall does the trash pickup
9:15 We leave for our Nature Walk (to be done every Monday morning). This week we went to the Indianapolis Museum of Art's Nature Park. We explored, played, did pencil drawings and just hung out together.
11:30 Go home
12:00 Lunch
1:00 Stewart and Nigel go down for their naps after reading
1:40 Marshall and I go to visit Mueller's Car shop where Curt Mueller shows us all the vintage cars that he's working on. It was super! I admit, I'm getting into cars now.
2:15 Hair cut at Alchemy, Marshall accompanies me and "reads" quietly! ??? !!!
3:00 Marshall and I go to the central library to look for Car books
4:00 Home to feed baby and make dinner
6:00 Go to Nana Karyl's and Pa Gary's for Nana's birthday dinner
8:00 Get kids to bed
8:30-11:30 Dishes, Laundry, Work and Write

A day that was pretty peaceful. It makes me wonder, "how come I've been fighting schedules for so long?".
It actually went well. Was it the good start? the planning ahead? time in nature? I don't quite know. I'll give it time before I decide for sure what I think.

biking to Muldoon's

Today we went to Broad Ripple, got bagels at Broad Ripple Bagel Company and then biked north. We'd heard that 116th Street had some good shops and restaurant area to check out. It turned out being at aroudn 131st Street.
My brother, David and his girlfriend, Amy met us up there and we enjoyed a patio table at Muldoon's. While the food was not anything to talk about, it was a nice place to sit, eat, drink and chat while the kids played closeby without pissing anyone off.
On the way home we stopped at the Broad Ripple Art Center Nature area. It was partially wooded , and had small flower garden areas, lookout decks over the creek and large art installations at every angle. We ended stone walking out into the middle of a wide creek. Marshall LOVED it! Besides hanging with Dave and Amy, it was the best part of our day. We vowed to go back soon.

better mom when not alone

We did so many fun things this weekend. Horray! And although I am tired, I am refreshed by having had some good family time. This has left me thinking about a book title I read recently. "I was a better mom before I had kids". I really wanted to read it, the title was so great.
But I have a new book title, or blog title... "I am a better mom when I'm not alone". This weekend really showed me that. I had a great time hanging out with my children and husband. It just means so much to not have the pressures of all three on only me.
We went to the National Drag Race championships at O'Reilly Raceway. It was pretty cool although very loud. So loud you could feel the sound vibrating through your body. I was perpetually nervous about Nigel's ears, even though I we used earplugs. I covered his ears every time the cars zoomed by. This whole experience was heaven for Marshall and Stewart and it was super exciting to watch them get into it. I would have never guessed that I would go to one of these things.

let me be honest

Yesterday was a bad day. I want to be honest about who I was… I was a super impatient, overly emotional and angry mother yesterday. And since I’m being honest, it wasn’t just yesterday, although yesterday was the worst.
I called Mike at work in tears.
I lost patience with Marshall and I yelled at him. He was wanting to get his shoes on and had looked around downstairs but refused to go upstairs because he said he didn’t want to be alone. We kept talking about it and I kept saying, “You’ll just be up there for a minute”, and, “You’ll just be alone for a minute.” He was not thinking rationally. He was emotional and needy and I was making dinner and wouldn’t consider being gracious about it. Then, he started crying and I told him to go in the other room if he was going to cry about it. He got angry at me and said that I was stupid. I got angry with him and I yelled at him. And I was not kind… at all.
So then while he was sitting in time-out I had to go say sorry to him. And I cried. I don’t want to yell at anyone. Why did I loose it? Poor kid, how can he process my erratic behavior? I cannot even make it make sense.
Up till that point in the day, everything was fine. But after that, I simply couldn’t get a hold on my emotions and I just felt like the biggest failure. I guess it helped to get out of the house for Josie’s birthday party at the park. But I couldn’t really talk to anybody about it because I was too busy keeping Stewart from running-off (which he did three times and thought it was hilarious) and attending to some thorns that got stuck in Marshall’s foot.
When we arrived home, Mike took over the kids and I had some therapy in preparing dinner alone (without 20million questions or having to get anyone juice or administering time-outs for bad behavior). I even got to cry a bit (AGAIN) when I chopped the onions! I got to think about what was going on with me. And I determined that there is a lot going on with me. Mostly that I am stressed.
I am stressed about all the things that need my attention (work, house, laundry, home-stay student, bills, etc), and about all the unknowns in home schooling Marshall that starts next week. I don’t want to fail. I hear so many people questioning me about it and in that I hear that they doubt that I can or that I should do it. My head knows that it’s not that big of a deal (it’s only one year, only kindergarten, etc.).
On the other hand, my emotions are on a rollercoaster ride. I’m up so many times every day. I am ecstatic about my art (the ideas and plans of it fill my head night and day) and I am so in love with my Nigel (who can do no wrong and is so beautiful and I have moments of amazement with Marshall and Stewart (when they are not fighting or demanding too much that I can bare). And all those highs mixed with all the lows make me feel out of control. AND, on top of that, I’m still not getting a full night sleep!
From my world… being honest about where I am now, and longing to say that everything is fine.