Wednesday, January 2, 2008

happy new year

So far, in this new year, I've been struck several times with the painful complexities of who we are.

It's not a happy reminder, but HAPPY new year anyway!

Matt and I got away this afternoon to enjoy a hot cocoa together before his departure. We talked about just this. I said that we simply cannot change ourselves, no matter the amount of effort. I've been thinking that we can experience clarity and enlightenment about who we are and decide what situations to put ourselves in (based on those understandings) but that the central part of who we are will remain. I've been trying to run away from that ugliness, trying to deny it's existence and trying to cover over it with layers of logical and correct actions.

It doesn't work.

The pain of my humanity and the scars of relationship, they are still there, and they feed that ugliness. So, while my responses may be tempered (sometimes), my interior writhes and can't be hidden.

And HAPPY new year! In the midst of wading through all of this difficulty, I discover something great! The amazing reveals itself in my children and in a natural ice crystal painting on their window that looks like the tree of life. And the complex looses it's wound, it becomes purposeful, complete and perfect.

Thanks Matt for coming all this way and walking through this with me. I love you!

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