Where am I now? In my studio, with a pile of bills. I have seven art projects waiting in the wings and all I can think about is the trip I'm taking in three and a half weeks.
I woke myself up two mornings ago, frantic. I had been dreaming about all the important things that I was going to forget to take. I quietly set up my suitcase and whenever I've thought of something since, it goes in.
I couldn't go back to sleep.
What does this mean? Have I become obsessed?
"I don't know.", to the first quesion. To the second one? Obsessed... yes (since my first moment as a pregnant woman)!
My first answer isn't good enough though, so I start the descent...
The "Next Place" has always been at my core. It was trained into my subconscious. I would describe it as a fixation on the future's "new world". It became my ideal, my way to cope with reality.
My pattern drawn early, 18 months to be exact, when Ecuador first became my home. This continued, with each upcoming trip, a "new world" was ahead of me along with the denial of the not-so-perfect past.
I became a wanderlust.
The "Next Place" was how I made the drudgery go away.
After I got married, my real life was REAL for awhile, with the awareness that this habit was no longer possible. And I developed other ways to deal with things.
I believe that I'm "wiser" now. I can say for sure that I am mature, right?
So now that I'm underneath my story now, I get it!
What it means to me is that this "Next Place" obsession, or fixation at best, is how I deal with life.
I wonder if we are alike.