Friday, January 23, 2009

"next place"

Where am I now? In my studio, with a pile of bills. I have seven art projects waiting in the wings and all I can think about is the trip I'm taking in three and a half weeks.
I woke myself up two mornings ago, frantic. I had been dreaming about all the important things that I was going to forget to take. I quietly set up my suitcase and whenever I've thought of something since, it goes in.
I couldn't go back to sleep.
What does this mean? Have I become obsessed?
"I don't know.", to the first quesion. To the second one? Obsessed... yes (since my first moment as a pregnant woman)!
My first answer isn't good enough though, so I start the descent...
The "Next Place" has always been at my core. It was trained into my subconscious. I would describe it as a fixation on the future's "new world". It became my ideal, my way to cope with reality.
My pattern drawn early, 18 months to be exact, when Ecuador first became my home. This continued, with each upcoming trip, a "new world" was ahead of me along with the denial of the not-so-perfect past.
I became a wanderlust.
The "Next Place" was how I made the drudgery go away.
After I got married, my real life was REAL for awhile, with the awareness that this habit was no longer possible. And I developed other ways to deal with things.
I believe that I'm "wiser" now. I can say for sure that I am mature, right?
So now that I'm underneath my story now, I get it!
What it means to me is that this "Next Place" obsession, or fixation at best, is how I deal with life.
I wonder if we are alike.


Sarah Partain said...

I can completely relate--it gets worse after we've been in a good spot for awhile and things tend to get boring or ho hum. I can easily get excited about our next trip to TN or things like that. I too, am always looking forward and planning. I long for contentment and enjoyment in the now.

s a r a h said...

i couldn't agree with you more. i am always dreaming of the next place...and actually believing it will happen. hmmm... it keeps me going in the banal days of laundry--sort, wash, fold, put away--dishes, dog care... argh. everyone needs a getaway. i know my junk would catch up with me in the next place but there would be a respite, right? i can run really, really fast! here's to new adventures that stir your heart and keep you moving forward!