Monday, August 20, 2007

a pissy mood

I'm in one (a pissy mood). Maybe it's the rain? Can't be, I actually like the rain (it reminds me of the "rainy season" in Quito).
Maybe, I need these kind of days to make my life more dimentional. But... the thought of it's value doesn't make it feel less pissy.
It could be because I didn't leave the house all day and I'm feeling the need to get out into the world. Also, Mike is gone tonight for a meeting so it is making for a long day with no end in sight.
Why isn't "my world" sufficient? You know, that I have to get out every day and do bunches of "extra" things?
I feeling like I'm already failing in so many ways. (Yes, I still monitor my value by the order or lack of order around me and my production.) I'm usually frustrated with myself, that I can't complete all the things I want to the way I want to do them. I'm not even talking about the "failures" I feel as a mother (i.e., loosing patience, anger at my kids, consistent "screen time", etc.).
Also, I am feeling stiffled. Creatively, there is this huge desire to work. But where will I find time?
And if I'm feeling this now, why do I think I can add Marshall's school to the picture?
Blah! So many pride issues to fix. Can't someone fix them for me? You know, like Jesus? He doesn't work like magic, solvong all problems instantly?
Don't comment (on my sarcasm either). I'll feel better tomorrow.

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